Bumper Sticker Recovery: May 2020

Sunday, May 31, 2020

You'll be Here

Sometimes, my mouth says things that I ought to pay attention to. That happened recently and I decided I'd break 3 years of blog silence and write about it. Last week, I was asked in a group setting a key question in recovery. It goes something like this: "My spouse and I don't connect anymore, I am not sure I like my job, my kids are all growing up. I"m making all these changes and more is changing. When I get healthy, where will I be?" I thought about it silently for a while. Then, almost without my permission, my mouth began speaking --"That's pretty easy. You'll be 'Here'." Once I thought about it for a minute, I realized that it wasn't such a "smarty pants" answer after all.

One of the great gifts of this journey called Recovery is learning to be fully present in any moment. That's where the journey takes us. When I'm centered and working as I know I need to, I am fully present in whatever situation my life brings me to. In otherwords, at any moment in time, I'm Here.

When things are great, I'm no longer need to fret about how long they will stay that way or what catastrophe will have to happend to end the party. I can be Here. If I'm running late, I'm not there yet, I'm Here. I can get all bent out of shape about the idiot drivers in front of me (those seem to congregate between me and my goal when I'm in a rush), or I can take the time to breathe and be where I am - Here. When I'm sad, I can let myself be sad - a.k.a. - Here. I could moan about how hard it is to be sad and how tired I am of crying or aching. Or, I can be sad.

When life brings me pain, whether it is physical, emotional, financial, or spritual, I can try to make it go away with a pill, a drink, or a behavior. Not only will it come back, but it will be Here waiting and compounding when I come out of my escape. I can focus on my achs, my emptiness, my fear and my limitations. Or, I can be with my pain, whether it tells me to rest or to move, to meditate or take action, to push through, or ride with the pain. Whatever is immediately in front of me is, you guessed it, Here.

On those good days (sometimes downhill, with a tail wind), I bask in being Here. However, more times than not, I seem to have that sudden sense that I should be somewhere else. Maybe, I should have double-checked the gas in the car. Perhaps, I forgot to take dinner out of the freezer, Another good one is to remember during the work day that I forgot to make a reservation for that flight to the next destination. Regardless, I'm just not There. That's not an emotional place, like when I hear someone say about committing to a relationship "I"m just not there." Not being There begins by noting where my feet are. (A dear friend of mine says, "If you want to know where you are supposed to be, check out where your feet are!") When I know where my feet are, I have the geographical point from which to start my journey. Then, I can scan my environment and see what is immediately in front of me and what I can do with it. I can look for "The Next Right Thing." When I move out from my feet, I not only take action, I remain centered and anchored -- Here.

About This Blog

Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to participate in, observe, provide and supervise treatment in more settings not only that I can remember, but also that I CARE to recall! I once was invited to sit in on a budding treatment center that put themselves out there as THE newest, bestest and most creative program EVER. They had accumulated a host of visiting gurus to come to enlighten the staff, the patients and the planet on a regular basis. They were absolutely well trained in their model and their staff was on top of it! After a full day of sitting in groups, individual sessions, meetings and meals, I realized that I was seeing a pattern – everybody got the same set of answers. By the end of the day, could repeat the responses that almost anyone on the property would have to almost any statement, question, or answer might arise. I left their feeling like I had perused the psychological bumper sticker rack at the Recovery Roadside Stop. I swore I would avoid Bumper Stickers like the plague.

Among other dishes I’ve added to my yet unpublished book of “Recipes for Crow – When Ya Have to Eat It, Cook It Well” are the many ones I’ve developed around that statement. I quickly learned that these psychological “Bumper Stickers” serve an important function and make my life easier. To keep my intake of eating crow down, I try to label them as such. “Here’s my bumper sticker about…..”

I don’t know if it is because I’m getting older, getting wiser, or they are tired of hearing them, but patients and staff have asked me to write these things down. My grandiose ego always fantasized about the massive, media flooded promotion tour that would follow the publishing of my wonderful book. I’ve written two handouts because I got tired of repeating the story. These handouts are among the most quoted handouts within the patient community. Maybe they have a point.

Recently, my peers who have written books and been on Oprah have resorted to their own blogs to avoid the monumental and overwhelming task of writing books planted the seed of using this medium. After a recent late night courtyard round with a group of patients, where they were not only anticipating the Bumper Stickers, but asking for more, I decided I may want to consider sharing these with more than the inside of my head and my vehicle. (The dogs quit listening years ago!)

My goal is not to write a book. In fact, I’m not sure what my goal is in the long haul. My hope, however, is to start to record for sharing the little lessons that are handed to me every day. If Life has taught me anything, it is that I have a lot to learn. Furthermore, the way I can learn more of the vicissitudes (I love that word. The Analysts LOVE it!) of each of these lessons is to continue to watch for them and to share them with others.

A WORD ABOUT NAMES AND STORIES: I learned a long time ago that I rarely catch things on the first pass. These lessons I share are the crystallization of numbers of experiences that finally helped me to understand how to put “Life” on a Bumper Sticker. I try to make them subtle enough NOT to sound just like YOUR encounter with me. I change the name, the time, the details and whatever else I can. These are not professional case studies. They are stories. They are mostly fictional, based in real experiences. If I told the “real” stories, I would have to get legal consent, have the “patient” review the writing, and have three copies that go to six attorneys and have to have the approval of the Pope. Well, something like that. If, by some chance, you find that I am telling “your story,” please let that be a reminder of how normal, human, typical and wonderful you are. If it’s a little too close to home, drop me an e-mail and I’ll remove that version and change it. Anything I write about, I have dozens of examples. The one I write just happens to be the way the Bumper Sticker resonated that day.